I usually write about Digital Marketing. However, I want to write on a more personal level. Hopefully, my battle with depression will help someone.
I was trapped in my own prison…
My depression began when I was feeling trapped in a situation with no way out. At times it felt like the walls were closing in…
What made it worse the one person who was supposed to love me didn’t even care.
(The line speaks on how I felt) crossed out.
Over time depression grows on you like cancer.
You may have a day or two where you’re feeling ok. But over time you begin to drown in your sadness! I stopped showering and shaving.
I didn’t iron my clothes anymore. I didn’t clean my shoes.
Feeling alone even though I had people around.
Depression becomes apart of your everyday living. When you wake up in the same situation, it becomes normal, how people live happily. I lived depressed.
My mom would look at me and say, “Baby is you ok?”
Depression also affects the ones who love you, because they watch you suffer. It’s like watching someone drown, but you can’t swim!
The effects of depression…
Depression cripples you from living.
I stopped working out. I gave up on having my own business. I gain a tremendous amount of weight.
I went from 209lbs to 256lbs. I had high blood pressure my skinned looked terrible!
Stress ages you!
I would have uncontrollable sweet cravings too! Stress and chocolate go hand in hand.
Again, the one person who was supposed to love me was contributing to my misery —kicking me while I was down…
My days were long, and nights, were longer. Tossing and turning with only my thoughts—over analyzing my situation drowning in depression.
Misery loves comfort…
The more I thought about my life the worse I felt. I found myself becoming more depressed because of what I grew into.
Derek, you’re getting fat, you’re not training anymore, she doesn’t love you! Look at you!
You lost your job. You’re broke. Times, I would get lost in the television screen having to restart the movie.
Drowning in my own thoughts feeling claustrophobic!
Maybe this is why I dreaded tomorrow. I had the whole night to think and wonder with no distractions.
Just me and darkness, me and the room! Depression became my reality.
Again, the one person who was supposed to love me didn’t even care about what I was going through.
How I defeated depression…
My sister flew in from Cali. She was dressed to impress! I started sizing her up in comparison to myself. I started to remember how I use to dress like that.
Instead of having negative thoughts about myself. I started to remember the old me! One day I cleaned my shoes, shaved and cut my hair.
Another time I got dressed like I was going to an interview, even though I had nowhere to go. I repeated this process every day.
Getting up and getting dressed and feeling good about myself again.
One morning I dropped down and did some pushups!
I started listening to gospel music and praying again. The Lord began to strengthen me. My entrepreneurial fire was rekindled!
I was back!
I started training and eating healthy. My confidence skyrocketed!
I forgave the one person who hurt me. Forgiveness isn’t about the other person it’s for YOU!
So you can move on with your life!!!
I’m really in a happy place today.😀
I’m not some Zen Buddhist master; I do have my days. However, I’m not being governed by my emotions anymore.
The Bible says, “Be angry and do not sin.”
Which means to me, don’t act on how you feel! I’m still a work in progress though😉
To anyone battling with depression, It starts with you feeling better about yourself. I know it’s tough, but you have to snap out of it!
Remember the person you once was!
Even if you have no plans, get up and get dressed like you do! Fellas get a hair cut; ladies get your hair and nails done.
Do it yourself if you have too!
Visiting the future you helps too😉 What you think is how you act!
Thank you for reading my blog! Give me a share this blog could help someone…
P.S. Stop being a victim and become a victor!
Dedicated to your success,